Welcome all to ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ป๐ผ๐น๐น๐โ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ, a series of weekly reviews by Charles Connollyย - an artist in his own right. Here, Charles delves into the greatest brand new singles brought to you by the best unsigned artists on our electrifying and eclectic set of ๐๐๐ฌ ๐ผ๐ง๐ฉ๐๐จ๐ฉ ๐๐ฅ๐ค๐ฉ๐ก๐๐๐๐ฉ playlists.
๐๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ - ๐๐๐๐๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐
Charles writes for TVโฆ
I thought since many of you might already know my pick of the week, I'd make the review a little more entertaining. Something a little different. And for those who don't know the song, you're in for a treat. Unfortunately though, those not familiar with the American television comedy, Cheers, should perhaps skip this episode and just listen to the song. One quick phonetical thing before I start: you will occasionally see โลผโ. This is to be read as the โsโ in usual. Oh, and do the different voices in your head for better effect.
CHEERS: THE LOST EPISODE
Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.
[brief clarinets play into the scene]
Woody struggles in cutting the limes.
SAM: โYou wanna little help with those limes there, Wood? I'm sure the customers don't want fingernails in their drinksโฆโ
WOODY: โSorry, Sam. I just keep hearing this banging from somewhere. I can't concentrate.โ
SAM: โBanging? I don't hear anything. You hear anything, Cliff?โ
CLIFF: โNo, I don't hear anything. Could be that brain of yours playing tricks on you, Wood. Maybe get that checked by a doctor. Frayลผ, you wanna maybe have a look at the boy?โ
FRASIER: โOh-hahaha, that's good, Cliff. Woody's brain. Hahaha. No? Ah well, just me then.โ
CARLA: โShut yer pie-hole and drink yer drink, or I'll turn your head into a lime. I'm sure Woody wouldn't miss THAT one.โ
FRASIER: โTouchรฉ! Right. Will do!โ
[Cheers theme]
NORM: โAfternoon everybody.โ
EVERYBODY: โNORM!โ
WOODY: โYou lost a little weight, Mr. Peterson?โ
NORM: โWoody, youโd better start pouring now so I leave here as drunk as you seem.โ
SAM: โHaha! Nah, give Woody a break. Heโs been under a bit of stress lately.โ
NORM: โOh yeah? Whatโs pokinโ the old Woodster, eh Wood?โ
WOODY: โOh, Mr. Peterson, Iโm sorry. I just keep hearing things.โ
SAM: โYeah, the kid says heโs hearing banging. Probably just needs some time off.โ
CLIFF: โYeah, I still say he should see a doctor. The thing about doctors is-โ
NORM: โYeah shut up, Cliff. Well Sam, why donโt ya give him some time off?โ
SAM: โIโd need cover and all I have right now is Carla.โ
CARLA: โI donโt mind covering Woody, Sam.โ
SAM: โBut youโve got your own shifts, Carla.โ
CARLA: โLook. Letโs be real, here. Covering Woody is like Lilith wearing makeup. It doesnโt really make a difference. Hereโs how it works: I do my shift and you pay me double.โ
WOODY: โCarla, Iโm standing right here!โ
CARLA: โOh, I wouldnโt have noticed. That limeโs feeling as safe as when it was still hanginโ on a tree.โ
SAM: โAll right, guys, guys! Calm down. Carla, do your job. Woody, would ya just cut the damn limes! And Carla, Iโm NOT paying you double. Say Frayลผ, where IS Lilith anyway? Havenโt seen her in a while.โ
FRASIER: โWell, Sam, thatโs very kind of you to ask as to the whereabouts of my sweetest buttercup. To quote her exact words, I think it was: Iโd rather not spend my life rotting in a stinking hell-hole with those bums you call friends. Now while this could be construed in many beautiful ways, I prefer to stay silent and not tussle with the bustle.โ
SAM: โHa! You worried she might leave you cold in bed?โ
CARLA: โHA! Why donโt ya just cuddle up to an ice box?! Thatโd be much warmer.โ
WOODY: โGuys, I heard it again. That banging. Itโs givinโ me the creeps!โ
SAM: โOkay, Woody, go home. You need some rest. Go get yer coat from the closet, Iโll finish the damn limes.โ
CARLA: โYou sure you can spare the 48 seconds, Sammy?โ
SAM: โCarla, go help Woody.โ
CLIFF: โEr I still say he should see a doctor. Canโt keep going around talking about things that are only in his head.โ
CARLA: โWhy not? YOU do.โ
Frasier chuckles.
SAM: โKnock it off guys. Iโm runninโ a friendly bar, here.โ
FRASIER: โNow now, Samโs right. We mustnโt fight. This is our place of refuge, not a quarrel-house. Howโs about I buy everyone a round of drinks to set everyoneโs spirits at ease. Norm, what are you drinking?โ
NORM: โWell, I thought for a change Iโd go for a beer? What kind of a question is THAT, Frayลผ??โ
FRASIER: โSorry, Norm. I was losing myself in all the ruckus. But I can already feel the spirits calming as we down them. Hahaha. Just a spirits jokeโฆ Anyone? No? All right then, just me again.โ
WOODY: โPlease, Dr. Crane, donโt mention spirits. The bangingโs getting louder.โ
FRASIER: โOh Woody, pull yourself together. There is NO BANGING!โ
CLIFF: โErrrr- Iโm not so sure about that. I think I also heard some banging there, Frayลผโฆโ
FRASIER: โOh, not you too, Cliff. You see, this is what we in the world of psychology call the power of suggestion.โ
NORM: โOh yeah. Like when I suggest Sam pours me another beer?โ
CLIFF: โNah, youโre far off the mark there, Norm. This is where one person says they feel something and they keep saying it so much that the other person starts to feel it, despite it not being there.โ
CARLA: โNah. The power of suggestion is when I suggest you shut your trap or youโll start to hear death callinโ.โ
FRASIER: โOh-haha. You guys really do make this place enjoyable. But Cliff, you were in fact completely right, if a little lumpen in your wording.โ
NORM: โLumpen...? Hey Cliff, I think heโs calling you fat. Hope youโve got a good comeback. Heh-heh?โ
CLIFF: โNo Norm, I get his point. Heโs the wordy kind. Iโll be the first to admit that Frasier is the best in this bar at words. As Iโm sure no one would argue that Iโm the best at-โ
WOODY: โDelivering letters, Mr. Clavin?โ
CARLA: โHa! Spoutinโ garbage that no one ever asked to hear?โ
SAM: โYou still here, Wood?โ
WOODY: โWell obviously Iโm still here. You think Iโm hearing things, and now you think youโre seeing things?? Sam, Iโm worried about you.โ
SAM: โFigure of speech there, Woody.โ
WOODY: โI heard it again, Sam. Iโm scared.โ
CLIFF: โYeah, I definitely heard banging that time.โ
NORM: โVera? Is that you??โ
By this point, the cast has migrated towards Woody at the door of the cupboard under the stairs.
CARLA: โOh my God, I hear it TOO! I KNEW it. Itโs the forces of evil that Madame Lazora said would eventually emanate from this bar.โ
NORM: โI think thatโs my lunch. Sorry, guys.โ
CARLA: โIโm serious, Norm! This is a bad omen.โ
FRASIER: โCarla, there is no such thing as the forces of evil.โ
CLIFF: โWell actually it has been known for forces of evil to-โ
EVERYBODY: โShut up, Cliff!โ
SAM: โAll right, all right. Enoughโs enough, I can hear it too. Now Iโm going in there to prove that thereโs a simple explanation for all this. Woody, move.โ
WOODY: โI canโt! I think my feet are glued to the floor.โ
SAM: โGuys? Could you?โ
The cast lifts and moves Woody like a stiff totem pole, only horizontal.
SAM: โRight. Iโm opening the damn door. Just to show you itโs n-โฆ Coach? COACH?? Okay, Frasier, what is going on? Am I losing my mind? If you can all see Coach, are we all losinโ our minds??โ
FRASIER: โI-, Iโm as baffled as you are, Sam. Iโd be inclined to believe that we have all indeed temporarily lost our minds through some sort of power of suggestion, but in overdrive. I've never known anything quite like it.โ
SAM: โIโm panicking here. Paul! You just got here. Who do you see in the closet?โ
PAUL: โThatโs Coach. Hey Coach. Didnโt you used to be dead?โ
SAM: โOf course he used to be dead!! He IS dead!!โ
COACH: โIโm not dead, Sam.โ
SAM: โWell how do you explain the whole DYING THING THEN??!!โ
COACH: โI just got stuck in here a few years ago, and I didnโt know how to get out.โ
All nonchalant, everyone draws back to their usual position in the bar.
NORM: โSo, howโs it hanginโ, Coach?โ
SAM: โHowโs it HANGING?? The dude is DEAD!!โ
COACH: โIโm really not, Sam. Here, siddown. Let me get you a coffee.โ
Rebecca eventually enters the bar from the office.
REBECCA: โWhatโs going on, guys? Iโm trying to have an important phone call in there and all I can hear is Sam shouting about- AARRRGGHHH!!! COACH!!!!!!โ
COACH: โAfternoon everybody.โ
EVERYBODY: โCOACH!!!โ
Lilith enters the bar.
FRASIER: โHello, my little sugar button.โ
LILITH: โWhatโs going on here? It looks like everyoneโs seen a ghost.โ
CARLA: โThey have NOW!โ
FRASIER: โA funny turn of events here at Cheers, my dear. Coach has seemingly come back from the dead.โ
LILITH: โOh curse it. He got out.โ
FRASIER: โWHAT? My dear, you donโt sound remotely surprised. And what do you mean by HE GOT OUT??โ
LILITH: โOh look, you all know how much I despise this place and everyone in it. Itโs the stupidity and the sport.โ
FRASIER: โBut darling, thatโs literally what this bar is. I mean, itโs a sports bar full of stupid people. No offence, guys.โ
EVERYBODY: โNo, none taken.โ
LILITH: โI just couldnโt stand it a moment longer. Of course, this was before I strangely grew attached to the place, mainly because otherwise I knew I would barely ever see YOU, Frasier. But before that brief moment of insanity, I just could not stand the place. I realised that the dumbest, stupidest, most moronic of all was Coach, so I decided to teach you all a lesson, taking him away from you. So, while he was in the closet looking for the baseball cap that was already on his head, I simply closed the door. It was supposed to be a brief prank for a day or two, and then someone would twig. Evidently his absence made you all jump to the absurd conclusion that he was dead, and that was that.โ
FRASIER: โLilith!! Please tell me this is one of those jokes of yours that goes just a tad too far, hm?โ
CARLA: โLilith, made one of those jokes. Lilith. Made one of those jokes. Nope, canโt see it. I mean, she IS one of those jokes, but making one?? Nah.โ
FRASIER: โDarling, Iโm serious. Did this really happen?โ
LILITH: โSweet, innocent Frasier. It did. And I was going to tell you, but in being the devil incarnate, something stopped me.โ
FRASIER: โThe devil? You? But youโre so warm and kind.โ
CARLA: โSure. And Iโm Marilyn Monroe. I donโt know which one of you I hate more. Right now, Iโm inclined towards the devil.โ
LILITH: โOh, Frasier. Itโs in the name! Lilith! Of course Iโm the devil.โ
FRASIER: โBut, I, Iโฆโ
SAM: โCan you two lovebirds take this elsewhere. Lilith, I never want to see you again. Frayลผ, likewise, or at least until I can see straight, okay? Okay. Carla, get them outta here.โ
CARLA: โWith great pleasure, Sam!โ
CLIFF: โEerr- I always wondered about Lilith.โ
NORM: โDid ya, Cliff?โ
CARLA: โOh come OFF it, Cliff. She duped you just like she duped us all.โ
CLIFF: โEerr, maybe youโre right. So Coach, how did you survive in there for so long?โ
COACH: โYa know, thatโs a funny question.โ
NORM: โFunny, huh? Howโs that?โ
COACH: โI donโt know. Thatโs just how I reply to questions I donโt know the answer to.โ
NORM: โBut Coach, didnโt you ALWAYS answer questions like that?โ
COACH: โYa know, thatโs a funny question.โ
SAM: โAll right, Coach, youโve been in there a long time. Why donโt ya siddown and Iโll get ya somethinโ from Melvilleโs.โ
NORM: โOoooh! MELvilleโs!โ
SAM: โCome on, guys, how would you feel if youโd been locked in a closet for years? Rebecca, can you make sure Coach is okay while I go get him somethinโ to eat? Rebecca?? Ah Jeez, she just pokes her head out of the office for one minute, then sheโs back in there again. Coach, you gonna be okay here for a minute?โ
COACH: โSam, when did Diane dye her hair?โ
SAM: โThatโs not Diane, thatโs Rebecca.โ
COACH: โOh. When did Diane change her name to Rebecca?โ
SAM: โCoach, would ya just sit there for a minute? Would ya do that for Sammy? Thanks. Appreciate it.โ
CLIFF: โI reckon he was holding his breath most of the time. Actually, some say the ancient UmBongo tribes are still alive today by using the same method.โ
NORM: โDo they, Cliff. Do they really. Hey, Frayลผ is back! Hey, Frayลผ. So is your wife really the devil?โ
FRASIER: โYes, Norm. She is. How could I have never made the connection between MY Lilith and THE Lilith. Woody, now youโre back to normal, would you pour me a large whiskey? A double large.โ
WOODY: โSure, Mr. Crane. Say, isnโt that your evil wife back in the bar again? Hi, evil devil woman! My mother always said to be polite to everybody, even if you donโt like โemโ
FRASIER: โGood God, the evil bitch is back.โ
LILITH: โI had hoped to pick up my husband and make amends, but after hearing your idiocy, Woody, Iโm going to turn right around and leave for good. Iโve simply had enough of simple minds.โ
CLIFF: โNow now, Lilith. Simple Minds are pretty good, I'll have you know. I like that one, Don't You Forget About Me. You like that one, Norm?โ
NORM: โCliffy, I kinda stopped buying records in around 1975, so I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.โ
WOODY: โWasn't that about the time you started coming to Cheers?โ
NORM: โYeah, about then. Wood, I was just wondering, has Lilith ever had a bar tab?โ
WOODY: โWhy yes, she has one outstanding actually.โ
NORM: โAh good. Pour me another beer will ya, Woody? Put it on the evil bitch womanโs tab. Ah, the sweet fiery taste of Hellโs nectar.โ
CLIFF: โYa know, nectar is quite the misunderstood thing. Most people assume th-โ
EVERYBODY: โShut up Cliff.โ
CARLA: โYEEAHH, Clavin. And an extra special shut up from me.โ
END CREDITS
I often think of the New Artist Spotlight as Cheers. Where everybody knows your name. Well, where everybody knows MY name, anyway. Doo doo doo. And youโre always glad you came. Doo doo doo. While our troubles are all the same, I just wanted to shake things up a bit and spend a ridiculous amount of time (even longer than usual) making a fictional (even more so) mini-episode of Cheers. Why? Ya know, thatโs a funny question. But unlike Coach, I have an answer. The answer being my pick for this week. It comes in the form of Lilith, by Teddy Head. Which I can only assume is another way of saying โbed hairโ. Look. When seeing the title of this song, possibly like many of you, I didnโt immediately think of the devil. I thought of Cheers. I might however be the only one. In which case, this might seem a little strange (or utterly absurd). I also hope that at least SOME of you are familiar with the show, or that wonโt have made any sense at all. Teddy Head is but one man from Britain. Which sure fooled me! I assumed it was a big, fat rocking band from America! Wrong. Just one English chap. His name (as far as I can tell) is Daniel Blackmore. I will assume no relation to Deep Purple guitarist Ritchie Blackmore. Although that would explain how he is able to rock so damned hard. In fact Mr. Head rocks far harder. The only thing Daniel took from Ritchie is the itch. He must have it, for there is one thing this song gives in spades. This one thing it holds from its first note to its last. It's something I must admit to missing of late. Something that most songs (mainstream and independent) seem to lack these days. Can you guess...? It's energy. Energy through the darkness of these lyrics that is simply thrilling. And all I can say is, poor Frasier. Who knew! My apologies, but I am frankly exhausted from my writing, so I will just say this: listen once, listen again. It doesn't get heavier than this. Hold on to your seat. You will be hooked. Hooked by the devil. In a good way. Why not let Teddy Head know YOUR thoughts on the song in the comments?
And finally for something slightly annoying. Annoying for me, I mean. Great for you. Young Teddy has just (I mean JUST) released another new song, TODAY. And it's great! I mean, how was I to assume that he might release a song just 18 days after the one I reviewed here...? Perhaps it's all an extended run up to Halloween, what with the theme of the darkness below...? I dunno. Anyway, you have not one, but TWO to listen to.
COACH: โHas anybody seen my hat? Oh, never mind, it was on my head. Iโd just like to say one thing. Cheers!โ
Listen to ๐๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ on the ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ป๐ผ๐น๐น๐โ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ Spotify playlist HERE!
Listen to ๐๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ on the ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ป๐ผ๐น๐น๐โ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ Apple Music playlist HERE!
Listen to ๐๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ on YouTube HERE!
Follow ๐๐๐๐๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐ on Instagram HERE!
Follow ๐๐๐๐๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐ on TwiX HERE!
Please share this post and let me know your thoughts in the comments below
OMG CC! Iโm absolutely howling with laughter at your episode of Cheers. ๐คฃ Itโs really fab. You should absolutely write a sitcom series or even better, a Kardashian version of The NAS. The New Artist Spotlight often makes me think it should be made into a series. It has all the elements of a soapie, sitcom, survivor, reality sort of show. Sometimes weโre a happy family of indie musicians and sometimes weโre kind of โLilithโ-snapping one anotherโs heads off. Somewhere in there, weโre all musicians, so it should really be a musical of course, but I think it could be highly entertaining! Something like The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Little Shop of Horrors comes to mind. Imagine how muchโฆ
Great review had a good time reading it keep up the great work would check out more ๐๐ฏ
I read it all, of course.๐ I used to watch Cheers, but don't remember this episode. Which must mean you made it all up and if so it makes you an even more extraordinary human than before. Where do you get the time and the energy? I'm so impressed! Your brain is phenomenal. And you should write more for sitcoms - you're a natural. I could vividly both hear and see the whole lost episode. Cool!
As for the music. Lilith by Teedy Head really is a power house of energy and intensity. He does something I myself must dare to do more often - to let the guitars be really upfront and louder in the mix than both drumsโฆ
Enjoyed the screenplay. It was long but I made it to the end so thatโs says something!
Teddy Head is a personal fave. Highly rate his music and production; this song is killer.
Haha!โฆ great conversation and new concept for the review. Awesome