Welcome all to 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗼𝗹𝗹𝘆’𝘀 𝗖𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿, a series of weekly reviews by Charles Connolly - an artist in his own right. Here, Charles delves into the greatest brand new singles brought to you by the best unsigned artists on our electrifying and eclectic set of 𝙉𝙚𝙬 𝘼𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙎𝙥𝙤𝙩𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 playlists.
𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣 - 𝙁𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙠𝙡𝙞𝙣 & 𝘽𝙚𝙡𝙡
Charles’ writing is 𝘰̶𝘷̶𝘦̶𝑹-𝑹𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑫…
What day is it? Well, it’s Tuesday, course. Is there anything special in that? I mean, yesterday was Monday. What’s your point? Was there anything special in it being Monday? It’s just a day. Ah, but you’re wrong! Would you say that December 25th was just a day? Oh, but that’s different! Why so? What about the people who don’t celebrate Christmas? Then it IS just a day. So we should have more celebration days! I mean the big ones are Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s, and various other big ones depending on your nation or religion (various Independence Days, Chinese New Year etc.). But don’t you think Valentine’s Day is a funny one? It’s not religious, it’s not to commemorate a certain day in history. It is simply an arbitrary day for Hallmark and Interflora to make a mint. The one day of the year we are supposed to show our affection for our loved ones - or seek one out (if allowed these days). Isn’t that a funny concept? Should we not love and show our love all year round? What about Mother’s Day? That’s also a very old tradition. Does your mother not matter the other 364 days of the year? I’ve always thought it a bit funny. Not haha funny. But there you go. It is what it is.
Over the years we have amassed rather a few more special days. So, today is not just simply Tuesday. It is not Connolly’s Corner Day either (although I suppose it is every Tuesday). It is National Girlfriend Day. Now, this is not what I had assumed - a day for girls and women to gloat that they are someone’s girlfriend, or a day for their partners to brag that they have a girlfriend. Neither is it a one-sided Valentine’s Day. It is a very specific thing of girls appreciating their close friends who are girls. You go, girlfriend! THAT kind of girlfriend. What a weird day to celebrate! Oh, believe me, it gets weirder. Sunday was National Cheesecake Day, whereas yesterday was not only National Avocado Day but also National Raspberry Cake Day. But I can't make a joke out of that because National Tell a Joke Day is not for over two weeks. Despite having National Dog Day in August (Happy August by the way), this apparently wasn't quite enough for the mongrels who wanted a day of their own in July (despite still also being four-legged woofers). And so yesterday was also National Mutt Day. Mutt of course.
The whole idea of these “special” days was to keep them special. But when everything is special, nothing is special. Take Black Friday, for example. Although its origins date back to the ’50s in America, it only came to Britain in 2010. Seems hard to believe, now. Yet within just a couple of years it was Black Friday Weekend. Then Black Friday Week. Then Black Friday Fortnight. And now it’s pretty much any time within around a month. Making it less and less special. It seems rather silly to get a Cyber Monday deal on a Thursday. But that is how things are these days. Silly. Let’s get back to special days and how things have changed. 100 years ago women couldn't wear trousers, and a man would have been seen as naked or at least uncouth if not wearing a tie. It would also perhaps have been seen as scandalous if a woman should ever do such a thing as embrace a man in public. And as for a MAN embracing a man… “Constable!!! There is lewd, immoral, illegal behaviour afoot!!!” - well them days is gone. To misquote Fatboy Slim, “We’ve come a long way, baby”. Sunday was National Share a Hug Day. Yesterday was National Orgasm Day. Proving that one thing can very often lead to another. National Orgasm Day. Just simmer on that for a minute. It’ll only take a minute. At the stroke of midnight we were all to be at it like rabbits, so says the day. Be quick, it’ll be over before you know it. Part of me feels this is vulgar, embarrassing and undignified. The other part of me has a chuckle and says do it. I’m only human. Suddenly the faces of 3 unfortunately named soul singers are in my head: Barry White, Marvin Gaye and Hot Chocolate. We got it together baby. Let’s get it on, you sexy thang. I’m too sexy for my shirt. There’s nothing quite like a national day to make two lovers come together. I do it for your love. Let’s spend the night together. Are you gettin’ jiggy wit it? If not, why not? Because it’s no longer the day? Better late than never. Get up! Get on up! Like a sex machine!
Apart from the obvious, how could we possibly celebrate this day? Well, how about the same way Gaye, Brown and White did - write a song? That’s exactly what Englandese duo Franklin & Bell did, with their brand new single, Countdown. Yep, this song is literally released in honour of National Orgasm Day. So, please make yourself a drink (Sex on the Beach?) while I slip into something more comfortable. But don’t go through my drawers, or you might uncover something that could scar you for life. Righto! Ready or not, here I am. What? Were you not expecting me to be wearing a loose furry onesie? I said comfortable, not sexy. As if that cover art wasn’t enough to make you blush, I hope you’re feeling horny - for this song is horn-driven! But first, who are Franklin also Bell? (I call them ‘Franklin also Bell’ - always have done - don’t know why). Chris Franklin is the producer on board for this voyage. He is behind the stacks of horns, hard-hitting piano, veg-chopping guitars, face-snapping beats and buttock-slapping bass. Cally Bell is the wall of voices and the song’s creator. She is our temptress for the night.
The floor is a flashing disco checkerboard! Is that Nile Rodgers sparkling his teeth over there? Certainly sounds like it. We’ve got the funk and disco of all the 70s classics: Chic, The Commodores, Donna Summer, Tower of Power, but also the 80s sheen, pop and bombast of Madonna, Duran Duran, Sabrina and Frankie Goes to Hollywood. And even some Daft Punk towards the end! This feels like pure unadulterated adultery - feels like. In that, it must be illegal and wrong to be having this much fun! Ain’t nothin’ subtle about these sexy fun times. This has “classic radio” written all over it. I can also detect influence from Franz Ferdinand’s breakthrough hit, Take Me Out. When it comes to lyrics, I do quite often mis-hear them for something other. This time I heard, “Lift up, we’ve got loving armpits”. I thought this was some sort of quirk I had never heard of, where lovers rub their armpits together. Alas not: “Lift off, we’ve got love in orbit” - much more sense. Certainly less odorous.
What should make this song bad is to me what actually really makes it work. I might easily offend both Chris and Cally here, but you know me - honest to the core. I hold nothing back. It is to do with age. A middle-aged duo singing about sexy times. I am really starting to understand why children are embarrassed by their parents. Poor kids. So it should therefore be two younger sexy types singing about orgasms? The thing is, for some reason I see that as being kinda worse. Because then it is sort of to be taken seriously. What makes this song so great is the lighthearted silly fun of it all. Chris and Cally know they’re not 20 anymore. They know what they’re doing and they judged it well. And it’s just fabulous fun! It’s also a bit of a poke at the young - something I am a fan of from time to time - to show them that older people are not “past it”. Hugh Hefner wasn’t past it until he passed on! Hell, he’s probably still humping in his grave like a Duracell bunny! What about Joan Collins? She’s still got it and she KNOWS it! Miley Cyrus is showing more signs of age and fatigue than Franklin also Bell. Go Franklin! And Bell? You go, girlfriend!
So, that was National Orgasm Day - it came and went.
Listen to 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣 on the 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗼𝗹𝗹𝘆’𝘀 𝗖𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿 Spotify playlist HERE!
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